COD Cribs
by Erin Peepsta
Summary: Join Jacob0392, ErinPeepsta and Emily 'Gadget' Robins as they host one of the most randomest shows to ever come onto TV, COD cribs! There will be randomness, comicalness and above all...gangsta like behavior!  A collab story. Please rate and review
1. Makarov's crib

This episode of COD Cribs has been brought to you by the Fight Against Grenade Spam. A man gets out of parked humvee. "Hi. I'm Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamles and I'm here today to talk to you about something close to my heart, random grenades. Have you ever been walking down the street one day minding your own business when Bam! You look down and find a deadly explosive device strapped to you? Well I have and let me tell you, it's not cool. So avoid random grenades, they're for pussies." He said. Suddenly, a random grenade lands on his chest followed by several more grenades. "What the fuck-" BOOM! He gets thrown 20 feet into the air. A slide stating, 'Sorry, technical difficulties', appears on the screen.

Jacob, otherwise known as j-dawg, walks in frame. He fixes his gold chain just as Erin walks in, fluffing her hair slightly. The cameraman fiddles with his camera. He looks through the view finder of the bulky camera, focusing it accordingly. "You guys ready to do this?" he asks with a hint of nervousness in his low voice.

Jacob grins widely, throwing the cameraman a thumb up. "Hell yeah, let's do this!" he replies. With that, the cameraman counts down before rolling. "Hey, hey, hey COD! On this week's edition of COD Cribs, we'll be checking out the mansion of everyone's favorite Russian terrorist. The one and only Vladimir Makarov! Tell 'em 'bout it, peeps!" he starts off chipper.

With the mention of her nickname, Erin shines a smile. "That's right everybody! Good ole' Maky finally decided to let our show tour his crib. And boy was it hard convincin' 'em!" she states, glancing over at Jacob.

Jacob grimaces, "You're tellin' me. We had to do all sorts of crazy shit for him." He said.

_FLASHBACK!_

We see Jacob at Zakhaev international airport, running through while firing a gun in the air like a madman. "LEEEEEEEEEEROY JENKINS!" he screeches.

A random civilian is screaming his head off. But he stops when he hears Jacob. "Wait, what did he say?" he questions, a confused look sitting on his face.

Jacob darts his eyes around the room before dropping a flash bang. He runs away, laughing manically, knocking down several blinded civilians along the way.

_END FLASHBACK_

"I got 15 hours of community service for that shit?" he said questionably.

Erin raises an eyebrow, looking at him in puzzlement. "What cha have to do?" she asks, glancing from the camera back to him.

Jacob shrugs his shoulder. "I had to speak at a school function about why screaming random names in an airport is bad. What bout you? What did Makarov make you do?" he inquires.

_FLASHBACK_

It's a cut of Erin massaging Makarov's nasty feet.

_END FLASHBACK_

Erin shudders, breathing shakily. "I don't wanna talk about it! I have too many nightmares already." She breathes, shaking her head shamefully.

The cameraman coughs, drawing Erin and Jacob's attention to him. "Um, guys? Shouldn't we be doing the show?" he reminds them.

"Oh crap, almost forgot! Let's see if anyone's home." Jacob answers, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. He knocks on the front door. A couple seconds later, Makarov answers the door decked out in gold chains and a vodka bottle in his hand.

Makarov grins, an unusual sight. "Hey, hey bitches! I'm Vladimir Makarov and this is MY CRIB!" he states. The TV show intro plays while the camera videos different rooms. Erin and Jacob follow Makarov into the kitchen, the cameraman filming after them. "Let's see what we got in da fridge." Makarov said. He opens the fridge to reveal a tremendous amount of booze and guns.

"Um, dawg? Why you got yo guns in the fridge?" she questions slowly, shooting him a perplexed look.

Makarov grins, gesturing largely with his arms. "Cause when me and mah homies drink, we like to shoot. So leavin' a few in the fridge saves us a trip. Plus it looks real balla!" he comments. They continue into the living room. "This is where me and my bros' like to chill after a long day of terrorizin'!" he reveals.

A stage sits in the middle of the living room. Jacob glances at it. "What's the stage for man?" he asks, gesturing to it with his thumb.

"This is where I do my comedy routine! Y 'all bitches wanna see?" Makarov questions, looking at us with eyes a sparkle.

Erin and Jacob exchange a look before shrugging their shoulders. "Sure, why the hell not." They reply.

Makarov jumps on stage and starts the routine by quoting Dane Cook word for word. "You know what I hate? I hate when your tryin' to shoot a place up and the cop always try to stop you! Super fingers to everyone!" he projects through the mic.

"Um, dawg…that's from Dane Cook." Erin interrupts, pointing out the fact.

Makarov glares at her, shooting daggers with his eyes. "No its not you dumb bitch! Shut up!" he snaps.

Erin's eyes widen, her mouth fallen a slack. "Did he just call me a bitch?" she said before screaming like a banshee and tackling Makarov. She starts punching and clawing him viciously. "Don't call me a bitch, you ain't SHIT!" she screams.

Jacob runs over to the fight and tries to pull Erin away but ends up getting kicked and scratched. "Erin, Erin! Chillax, he didn't mean-OW that hurt!" he yells, finally pulling Erin off of Makarov. Makarov scurries up, slightly frightened at Erin's sudden change of emotions.

She glares at Makarov before throwing Jacob a dark look. "J-dawg, why'd ya hafta go and do that? He called me a bitch, you heard him. He got what was coming to him." She growls darkly, fixing her off the shoulder top.

Jacob looks at her seriously, pointing a finger at her. "Yes, we all heard. But we can't keep attacking people! You remember what happened when we toured Shepard's crib?" he tries reasoning.

Erin crosses her arms, shooting a defensively look at him. "Don't even go there! He was being a perv the whole time!" she states, her anger dissipating slightly.

"Guys! We're supposed to be doing the show-I mean the shiiizow! Am I right?" he said, bringing their focus back.

Erin and Jacob both shoot him dirty looks before following Makarov upstairs. They enter a room, Makarov turning to the camera. "And this is the bedroom, where the magic happens." He coos, smirking, The camera pans the bed room which is littered with empty vodka bottles, bullet casings and Viktor-singing.

"I'm tryin to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectfuuuuul!" Viktor sang, way off key.

Makarov looks at him distastefully, gesturing to him like a gangster. "VIKTOR, OMG! Here I am tryin to be on cribs and you start screaming at the top of your lungs!" he yells.

Viktor pouts drunkenly. "OMG, talk to the hand cause the face don't wanna hear that shit!" he responds in a feminine voice.

Makarov blinks, "What?" he asks.

The Cameraman raises a hand, trying to get our attention. "Um, guys-" he starts.

"Dude, shut up!" everyone yells back at the poor cameraman.

Viktor points in a completely random direction. "Look over there!" he orders before dropping a flash bang and jumping out the window.

Makarov blinks, sharing a confused look with the rest of the group. "Well that was weird. OK, let's get back to the tour! This is my wide 52 inch wide screen. And I get my e-mail on it! Let's see if any of my bros have sent me anything." He points out, turning to the screen.

Erin snickers, nudging Jacob. "Watch this." She whispers, trying hard to suppress her laughter.

Jacob raises an eyebrow. "Watch what?" he asks. But she doesn't have to answer the question for all of a sudden the video to Never gonna give you up by Rick Astley plays.

"What the fuck!" Makarov screams in confusion.

Erin rolls on the floor, howling with laughter. "You just got Rick rolled bitch!" she exclaims, smiling insanely at him.

Makarov does a face palm. "Are you fuckin high?" he growls in question.

She rolls her self up into a standing position, tilting her head to the side. "Not unless ya count sugar!" she answers in a sing song voice.

"Fuck that, I think you're on crack." Makarov grumbles under his breath.

Krill runs into the room, tackling Makarov. "CRACK! WHO SAID CRACK?" he yells, his wild eyes darting around the room.

Makarov curses, trying to push Krill off. "KRILL, NO! Down! Sit!" he orders. Finally, Krill calms down and sits like a dog, "That's a good boy." Makarov produces a bag of crack and tosses it out the window.

Krill takes off after it. "BARK!" he cries out as he jumps out the window.

Makarov shakes his head, leading them to the bathroom. "Now hopefully, without anymore shenanigans, I can show you the bathro-LEV! What the fuck?" he screams in shock.

Lev looks up from screwing a sex doll in the bathtub with a look of shock and guilt. "Um, this isn't what it looks like. Heh, I was just…cleaning her." He lies, quickly pulling up his pants.

"Natasha is MY girl, you back stabbing piece of shit!" Makarov yells loudly. With that, he and Lev get into a classic cartoon fight complete with a cloud of smoke and generic fists popping in and out.

The fight cloud bumps into Erin. She stumbles slightly, glowering at them. "Aw, hell nyah! J-dawg they shoved a lady…LETS FUCK EM UP!" she snaps. With that, Jacob and Erin both jump into the cloud and start beating the living shit out of the two Russians.

That is until the dumb ass cameraman runs in and tries to break it up. "Guys, we're supposed to be doing the damn show!" he growls, trying to push people away from each other.

Jacob hits the cameraman in the head with a flash bang. "Broke ass mother fucker." He grumbles at the cameraman who is stumbling around, dazed from the flash bang. Jacob breaks a vodka bottle into a sharp weapon and points it at Makarov and lev threateningly. "Now let's just try to finish the show before a fucking nuke or some shit goes off!" he snipes sharply.

Lev and Makarov exchange a smug look. "You think we're scared of some little vodka bottle? Ha!" they laugh, believing they have the upper hand.

Jacob smirks, straightening himself up. "Well then…I guess there's no other option except-ERIN!" he said. Erin jumps on both of the Russians, clawing and punching them till they agree to do the rest of the show.

Makarov lead them back into the living room, turning to face the camera. "Well, COD, thanks for touring my crib an-" he starts.

But Meat shatters through the window and shoots wildly in the air. "LEROOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!" he roars at the top of his lungs.

Jacob blinks, looking at Meat. "Well he obviously wasn't at the school function…" he mutters before turning to Erin, "Um Peeps? I think NOW's about the time to be getting the fuck out of here…like RIGHT now!"

"Yeah, you said it J-dawg!" she agrees.

Makarov runs with them to the door just as more TF141 members are rappelling through the windows, shouting obscenities. "Well COD, that's my crib! Thanks for stopping by! Now get the hell outta here!" he shouts, returning fire, "And tell who EVER snitched they're so dead!"

Erin and Jacob walk down the driveway. Haft way down, explosions go off behind them. Jacob stops suddenly. "Oh shit, we forgot the camera guy!" he reveals.

Erin waves him off, "Eh, screw it. He'll be fine. Now, LET'S GO GET CRUNKED!" she said, changing the subject.

"Hell yeah, peeps! You read my mind." Jacob responds, giving her a knuckle bump before continuing on their way.

Author's note: Ha, I hope you enjoyed this collab story. :) This is another story collab I'm doing with Jacob0392.

Please rate and review


	2. Task one, foe, one part 1

We see Jacob and Erin in a remote part of England. Jacob is on his hands and knees throwing up while Erin is behind him holding his ears. The camera guy, still being a little nervous from the events from the last episode is away on a smoke break. "Fuck Peeps! That was some wild ass party last night!" Jacob said, before belching again.

Erin smiles drunkenly. "Yeah you said it J-dawg!" she slurred, laughing.

"I never knew you could sing." Jacob commented, before up chucking once more.

_Flashback!_

_We see Erin and Jacob in a karaoke bar dancing and getting their drink on._

_Erin being a little hammered grabs Jacob by the shoulder and shouts drunkenly. "Come on J-Dawg let's show these clowns what real music is!" She slurs, downing another shot of Jäger. And Jacob, also being hammered, happily complies. _

_They both jump on stage and Jacob spits some drunk talk while Erin looks for a song._

_"HEEEEEEELLOOOOOO NEW YORK CITY!" Jacob shouts._

_A random audience member cuts in. "Um dude? We're in London!" He states pointing out the obvious fact. Jacob smirks drunkenly._

_"No were not. Were in LALA LAAAAAAND!" he screams back, laughing drunkenly. _

_Erin grabs a microphone. "A'ight, A'ight. This is a song me and mah homie J-dawg wrote! It's called Party Girl!" she slurs into the microphone._

_"Hey Peeps!" Jacob sang._

_"Hey J-dawg!"_

_"Ya wanna go for a ride?"_

_"Sure!"_

_"Jump on!"_

_Erin jumps on Jacob's back and starts singing/screaming. "Ima party girl! In a party world! People think they beat me! Well they can freakin eat me!" she sang horribly off key._

_"Come on Peeps let's go party!" Jacob calls back._

_"Ah! Ah! Yeah!" she slurred back._

_All of a sudden the random heckler screams from the audience. "You suck! Go to rehab bitch!" he boos loudly. Always snapping when someone calls her a bitch, Erin promptly jumps off Jacob's shoulders and onto the heckler, punching and clawing the shit out of him. Jacob jumps off the stage to go break up the fight but stumbles into some scary biker looking dude. Jacob and the biker duke it out and the rest of the bar, having nothing else to do decide to join in. Everyone begins shoving and punching each other. They begin to cause so much damage that the owners get pissed and call the cops. _

_Jacob, having just fought his way out of his scuffle begins to make his way over to Erin. "Peeps! Let's get outta here the cops are comin!" he shouts. With that, Erin and Jacob begin to make their way through the mob towards the door. Jacob's iPhone rings and he answers it. _

_It's the people at Infinity Ward. "J-dawg! What the hell are y 'all doing? You both got another episode to shoot tomo-!" The man's voice was cut of by the explosion of several flash bangs. Erin and Jacob both fall to the floor blinded and dazed, Jacob can faintly hear the Voice on his phone. "Breezy Six come in! What's your status?" the voice from the phone calls out._

_Jacob rolls on his side. "What the hell happened!" A random person screamed as Erin painfully tries to get up._

_"Cops are here! We got to go now!" Another person shouted answering the previous man's question. _

_The IW man's voice rings out again. "Breezy Six! Come in dammit!" questions the phone. Jacob finally finds his footing and grabs the phone with both hands._

_"Big Dogg, this is Breezy Six! Were on our way out!" He shouted into the phone a he ran over to Erin, "On your feet Peepsta! WE ARE LEAVING!" He screamed as he jerked her up. They run out of the bar just as the cops are busting through the windows._

_Flashback end!_

Jacob sighs. "Crap. We hafta start being more careful where we party!" he said, remembering how that night's special was for biker's and Irish heavy weights.

"Yeah I know right!" Erin replied nodding in agreement. The camera guy walks back from his smoke break.

He nods at them, "You guys ready to do this?" He asked nervously, hoping they're not.

Jacob throws up again but gives the thumbs up sign. "Hell yeah!" he spat out.

The cameraman face palms. _Why the hell did I have to get stuck with these two_? He thought to himself dismally. "OK we're rolling in five, four, three, two, one." He states seriously, flipping on the camera.

"Hey, hey, hey COD! We got ish an eshra speshal effisode of COD Cribs in store! Today we'll be looking at the Crib of the bad ass balla's of Task Force One, Foe, One! Give it too em Peeps!" Jacob said with slurs evident in his voice. The camera turned to Erin who looked like she was in her own little world. "Erin? Erin!" Jacob asks, waving a hand in front of her face.

She jumps slightly, coming back to reality. "Wha- Oh! Um yeah today we gonna look at something or go somewhere maybe." She mutters trying to remember the script.

The cameraman face palmed. "You guys are fucking morons!" he groans.

Jacob looks at the cameraman angrily, not to keen on the name calling spits. "Shut up! Dumb motherf-!" He starts but is cutoff by throwing up his entire stomach contents. "Oh fuck! I hope the boss isn't watching!" Jacob mumbles as he frantically tried to wipe the vomit from his mouth.

Erin spits drunkenly "Shit J-dawg. If I had a nickel for every time the boss got mad about our drinkin I'd be one rich little- OOF!" she starts but falls over drunk.

**We are currently experiencing Technical Difficulties.**

Several cups of espresso later, we go back to Jacob and the cameraman frantically searching the woods near the road for Erin, whom had had an 'interesting' reaction to all that caffeine. "Erin? Erin? Where the hell are you?" Jacob shouted as he ran through the forest.

"Behind you!" Erin screams abruptly, appearing behind him silently.

Jacob jumps, grabbing his chest in shock. "Erin! Fuck don't do that! Your gonna give me a freaking heart attack!" Jacob shouted as he turned around.

Erin smiled evilly. "Oh I am going to do more than that J-Dawg." She coos with an insane look in her eyes.

Jacob laughed nervously. "Heh Erin now let's think rational-! Ahhhhhhhhhh!" he screams as Erin tackles him. The scene faded away with Jacob's terrified screams in the background.

The cameraman was just about to call it a quits and go home but then heard a blood curdling scream. Quickly he runs towards the direction of the scream until he comes to a clearing and finds a shocking sight. Erin is on top of Jacob, tickling the life out of him. "Stop it! Please! I can't breathe!" Jacob begged for mercy.

"Not until you bake those cookies ya promised!" Erin said laughing wildly.

"How? Were in the middle of fuckin nowhere!" Jacob shouted in between bouts of laughter.

The cameraman proceeds to run over and grab Erin. "What the hell is wrong with you ya crazy bitch?" he shouted shaking her.

Erin turned around to Jacob and goes all sweet. "Jakey dawg do you promise you'll make me cookies when we get back?" She purred sweetly. He nodded swiftly. She patted him on the head. "OK, good now lets GO KILL THIS MAFUCKA!" She screamed as the last four words of her voice turned back to its normal ghetto self. Jacob and Erin quickly jump up and take off after the cameraman. The cameraman, seeing this, pisses his pants and takes off running back towards the road. But Erin and Jacob are one step ahead of him, they split up and use their headsets to sitrep each other on the cameraman's location.

All of a sudden another voice comes onto the headset. "Come in J-dawg and Peeps. This is Corporal Emily Gadget Robbins in pursuit of the rogue camera man, over." The female voice responds.

Jacob blinks in surprise but doesn't let it slow his pace. "Gadget? Who sent you?" He asks back into his headset.

"The boys at IW figured y 'all could use a hand." Her voice replied through the headset.

"OK. Gadget we've got the cameraman's location! He's heading west along the upper levels of the forest. Well keep him from doubling back on our side. Keep going and cut him off at the top. Good luck!" Jacob responds. We now see Gadget in hot pursuit of the camera guy, following Jacob's instructions she begins to make her way up the rocky hill. Jacob's voice rings out on her head set. "Gadget! Watch the treetops. We've had a few close calls with spider webs and low flying birds. He's heading towards that tree! Erin can ya see em!" Jacob radios over the head set.

"Roger that! He's climbing the tree carrying a black camera bag!" she replied.

Jacob nods, "Well that ought a slow em down. Gadget, we're keepin him from doubling back. Move in to intercept! Go, go!" Jacob grunts. Gadget took off on a dead sprint up the hill.

We see Erin frantically searching for the fleeing cameraman; she quickly runs over the top of the hill and sees a house overlooking the road. "Peeps! I'm going far right!" Jacob's voice screamed on her headset.

"Roger!" She replied as she ran towards the house. The camera guy is running along the balcony and Erin panics. "He's gonna get away!" She yells as the camera man neared the end of the porch.

"No he's not." Jacob replied smoothly. With that we see Jacob tackle the camera guy through the second storey window and onto a passing car, which skids to a halt upon impact with the two bodies.

The camera man looks up at Jacob. "I am never giving you fuckers coffee again." he sighed before letting his head fall on the hood.

"Hey! What the bloody ell did you do to the car!" an angry British accented voice called out. A man in a strange skull patterned balaclava gets out of the car and starts surveying the damage. "Oh fuck me! Price is going to be so pissed when he sees what happened to his car!" He groans, face palming himself.

Gadget runs up, smiling widely at the man. "Ghost! How are you!" Gadget shrieks with excitement.

"Wait! You too know each other!" Jacob asks in shock, looking from the older man to Gadget.

Gadget smiles, "Yup. Me and him are squad mates!" she replies happily.

"Wait. Are you three the ones I'm supposed to be picking up?" Ghost asked gesturing to Erin, Jacob, and the camera guy. Jacob stood to his feet and became serious.

Jacob nods, "Yeah from COD Cribs. That's us playa!" he states, throwing up a gang sign randomly.

"Alright then we should get to the base for the show." Ghost replied motioning for them to enter the car.

They start to the car, Erin glancing over at Gadget. "Gadget, aren't you comin?" Erin inquires when she sees Gadget not getting in.

Gadget waves them off, smirking slightly. "Nah. I'll catch up with y 'all later, last time I rode with Ghost it was scary." She replied walking back into the woods. They begin to wonder what she meant by scary.

But it soon became clear from Ghost's insane driving. "Um dawg I think ya missed that last stop sign." Jacob said worriedly.

Ghost came back with a smart assed reply. "More like the stop sign missed me! Haha!" He screamed wildly before flooring it.

"Ghost! Slow tha fuck down!" Erin cries from the backseat, as she gripped her seatbelt in fear.

A smirk crease forms in his mask as he glances back at her through the rear view mirror. "Haha! How bout no!" he replied as he swerved into the wrong side of traffic. Jacob, being up front, tries to get the wheel to steer the car back on to the right side of the road.

Jacob and Ghost fight over the wheel for several miles until they ramp over a hill and into the front of the base. "Wow that was convenient." The camera guy observed dryly. Ghost steps out of the car and the rest follow him into the base.

They all walk into Captain Mactavish's and Price's office. "Captain Price, the Cribs people are here." Ghost comments shortly.

Captain Price looks up from a pile of paperwork. "Huh? Oh! Right. Um Soap, take Ghost and get the men ready. Oh and take the Cribs people with you. Out!" He replies as he shoved everyone out the door.

"Can I have everyone's- MEAT! Stop screwing around back there! Now listen everybody we have some visitors from a TV show and there here to tour our base. I expect everyone to be on their best behavior, Meat. OK so let's just start this." Mactavish told the men. He then looked at Erin and Jacob. "Are you two ready?" he questions.

Jacob and Erin exchange goofy looks. "YEEEEAAH BOI!" they respond in unison. The camera began rolling.

"Wass up everyone! J-dawg and Peeps are in the hizouse!" Erin shouts into the camera.

Jacob smirks, throwing deuces up. "That's right! We're finally ready to tour the home of T to the Fizzle one foe one." Jacob added in. The camera then looked to Mactavish, Ghost, and Price who had just finished his paperwork.

"Hey, hey COD! Were T-Fizzle 141 and this is our Crib!" they said struggling in the ghetto talk. The TV rap intro plays as the camera pans the base showing many soldiers playing grabass.

They follow Mactavish to the kitchen. "This is the fridge. Where I keep all me scotch." He states, pulling out a bottle of the whiskey. Just as he's about to take a drink he gets knocked off his feet by a passing Worm. "Oi Numpty! Watch where your going!" Mactavish orders after the speeding Worm.

All of a sudden Meat comes running in, crying his eyes out. "Whaaaaaaaaaaa!" he cries.

Mactavish quickly got on his feet. "Meat what happened? Did you have another accident?" he asks, confused at the young man's tears.

"NO! Worm stole my gummy bears and he won't give em back!" Meat sniffs as he continued sobbing.

Mactavish rolls his eyes, "O bloody hell! Royce!" he calls. Royce comes up at the mention of his name.

"Yo!" Royce greets, smiling at the camera before turning his attention to Mactavish.

"Worm stole Meat's gummy bears and I need you to get em back for him. Can you handle it?" Mactavish asks seriously.

Royce nods shortly, "Word." Royce replies as he took off in worm's direction.

"Sorry about that everyone. Things get a little cr-!" Mactavish began but was cut of by Roach and Ozone running into the room.

Roach points at Ozone accusingly. "Captain! Ozone keeps licking his finger and stickin it in my ear! Roach whines.

"You moron! It's called a wet Willie!" Ozone replies, giving him yet another wet Willie. Roach and Ozone then get into a minor shove fight until Mactavish breaks it up.

"That's enough out of both of you!" He said, stepping in between the two, "I'm ashamed of you two! We have guests and you're being very disrespectful! You're both on cell duty! Go! Go!" He orders, pushing them towards the door.

Roach pouts childishly, "Man why do I always hafta! I hate cell duty!" Roach shouts in a whiney voice as he and Ozone head to clean the cells.

They all walk into a room fill with people working at computers and a large screen at the end. "This is the communications, where we keep in contact with our squads." Mactavish explained.

Erin stares at the big screen awestruck. "Wow! Whazzat?" She questions, pointing to the screen.

"Oh that old thing? That's just where we control the predator drones that protect the base." Mactavish replies casually.

Erin jumps with excitement. "Ooh! I've always wanted to mess with one of those! Do you mind if I try?" She asks, looking up at Mactavish with puppy dog eyes. Mactavish looks over to Price who nods in approval.

"Well I don't see why not. Go for it." He assures, handing her the controller. She begins flying the UAV around, doing barrel rolls and all sorts of other stunts.

Until her curiosity got the better of her. "Hey what's this big red button do?" she questions, her finger hovering over a particularly big red button.

Mactavish begins to panic "Oi, lass! Don't be pressin that!" he starts. But it's too late for she already fired a missile right into a parked car. Alarms started ringing all around the base and everyone in the room began panicking.

"What the fuck happened!" A random soldier screeched.

Price laughs uneasy, "Everything is fine now get back to work! Soap, Ghost! Get everything sorted here!" Price orders as he leads Erin, Jacob, and the camera guy out of the room. Price then leads them to the lounge while trying to think up some gangsta talk. Being an Englishman and a little older he wasn't very knowledgeable of gang slang. "Um this playace rightt hur is da lizounge! Where wes a always be a drankin and a wankin!" he stutters out, not doing to well with this new found dialect. Erin and Jacob begin cracking up at the last word. "Um do you people like parties?" Price asks, trying to cover up that gay sounding statement.

Jacob and Erin both exchange a look while the camera guy silently prayed. "Hell yeah!" they both replied.

"Fuck my life!" The camera guy groans.

Later that night...

We see everyone on the base partying in the mess hall and as usual, Erin and Jacob are the life of the party. The camera guy walks up to Jacob and Erin who are both dancing very drunkenly. "Guys! Aren't we supposed to be doing the freaking show?" he reminds them stiffly.

Jacob looked at him and pointed. "Ya mean like I did yo mama!" he slurred.

Erin began to snicker. "Tha wash funny J-dawg but we should go find some cool shit to look at." She said, swaying drunkenly.

"Ooh! I know let's go sneak into Shepherd's office!" Jacob suggested.

The cameraman gulps, "But Price told us that's off limits!" The camera guy said, trying to reason with them. They ignore him, grabbing a few bottles of booze and heading out of the room. The camera guy sighed but followed them in fear of another one of their savage beatings. They walked down the hallway, stealthily checking their corners along the way. They went to the door at the end of the hall.

The inscription on the door read: GENERAL M. SHEPHERD. "Hmm wonder what m stands for." Jacob murmured as pulled out a RPG to blow open the door.

"J-dawg no!" the camera guy hisses as he tackled Jacob.

Jacob glared at the man. "How else you espect ta open tha doe?" he growls defensively as he pulled himself up.

The camera guy begins sweating nervously. "Um, I don't know, use a battering ram I guess." He proposes. Jacob and Erin both smirk darkly, grabbing him and ramming him into the door, busting it down. Erin and Jacob both walk inside with the camera man following. "Macaroni salad." He mumbled entering the room, dazed.

"Jeeze! Right now? You always wanna eat at the wrong times!" Jacob states as the camera man fell onto the floor.

Erin nods knowingly, "Yes, my dear Watson, it looks as if we have a classic case of the munchies on our hands." Erin responds in agreement.

"OK now let's get back to the job at hand." Jacob said as he opens a file cabinet and pulled out a cigar box, "Ooh! Cigars!" But he's wrong, for when he opens the box he discovers many pictures. One is of Shepherd and Makarov hunting together, another show him hammered doing a Michael Jackson crotch grab and the last one is of Shepherd and Makarov having a threesome with 'Natasha'. Just as Erin and Jacob were laughing hard at the last photo, they hear footsteps and Shepherd's raspy voice from the hallway. "Oh shit its Shepherd! To the air vents!" Jacob whispers. They both climbed into them. The cameraman, being a little out of it after being used as a human battering ram, is left lying on the floor yammering about his 'macaroni salad'.

Just as the pair climbed into the vents, Shepherd appears at the door with a scantily clothed lady. "So you think you can give me a military discount?" Shepherd coos, grinning pervertedly. Just then they notice the dazed camera guy lying on the floor who glances up at Shepherd.

"Yay! It's chef boy-arr-dee! Hey can you make me some Macaroni salad?" he yells insanely. Shepherd bitch slaps him and the camera guy starts crying.

The lady places her hands on her hips, "Yo man threesomes are two hundred dolla!" the lady said. Shepherd face palms.

"He's not with me! I don't even know how the hell he got in her-!" he starts, but is cut off by one of Jacob's flash bang grenades detonating right in his face.

After crawling a short distance Jacob stopped and took and leaned against the shaft wall, "Why we stoppin J-dawg?" Erin inquires. Jacob replied by producing one of Shepherd's expensive ass cigars. "Ooh! Gimme!" Erin shouts as she tries to take a puff from the unlit cigar.

"Yo it ain't lit." Jacob points out.

Erin waves him off, "Thas OK I'll light it on myself 'cause I am on FIYA!" Erin states as she touches the cigar to herself making a hissing sound. Jacob rolls his eyes and pulls out a lighter, lighting it. Erin took a huge long puff and her eyes go wide. "J-dawg, try this! Is good!" she said. Before they knew it they had finished the cigar and were back on their little crawl through the air vents. Little did they know that the cigar they had just smoke was filled with Shepherd's 'relief' and is just starting to take its effect. "Yo J-dawg! Where are we heading" Erin slurs.

Jacob stopped abruptly and began to snicker wildly. "To the big rock candy mountain!" He comments with a grin. All this talk of sweets reminds Erin of something that she had craved earlier that day.

"Um J-dawg? When you gonna make me my cookies?" she questions bluntly.

Jacob stops, looking back. "Um! Erin, remember I can't until we get home." Jacob reminds her.

"There's an oven here, now go make em!" She spat.

Jacob shakes his head; pouting childishly, "I don't wanna." Jacob said with a frown already knowing what was coming.

Back in the mess hall, Royce and Worm hadn't gotten over the whole gummy bears incident earlier. They fight on the floor, shouting obscenities. Roach, on the other hand, had gathered quite the crowd as he is on the beer bong for the fifth time this night. Meat, being well Meat, went around the mess hall doing all sorts of crazy shit. Such as attempting to piss in the beer bong while Roach was chugging it, stealing Ghost's skull mask and running up to Price and punching him, or attempting to steal Gadget's sniper rifle which earned him a Garden Weasel being thrown straight to his balls. Price, Mactavish, Ghost all stand by the DJ booth watching this whole thing. Price sighed "Ya gotta love the boy but he sure can be a pain in the ass sometimes." He mutters dryly.

Mactavish nodded in agreement. "Too right mat-!" He began to say before being cutoff by Jacob and Erin landing in front of them. Erin tickles Jacob without mercy once again. Mactavish blinks in confusion, before moving to try and stop the tickle fight. "Hey! Break it up." He gruffs.

Erin sends him a dark look, smiling insanely, "You're NEXT, Mr. Leprechaun!" she states. Mactavish backs away slowly, fear evident in his face. Erin goes back to tickling Jacob without mercy.

"Erin! Please! I'll do anything just let me go!" Jacob screams at the top of his lungs.

Erin stopped for a moment "Anything?" She asks as he nodded swiftly. She leans over and whispers something in his ear. He quietly got up and got a beer for her. "That's a good pet." She said, patting him on his head.

All of a sudden the mess halls doors open and in walks an angry General Shepherd, face still burnt from the flash bang. "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY CAR!" He shrieks as he runs towards Erin and Jacob.

Erin smiles sheepishly, "Ooh was that the thing I blew up earlier?" Erin questions, giggling to herself. Shepherd is about to explode but a voice from the intercom saves everyone.

"Attention! All Task Force 141 members! Report to the sub! You boys have a mission!" the voice informs the room. With that, everyone on base starts freaking out and running outside.

Jacob, Erin and the camera guy (Who had regained consciousness) run alongside Price. "What's going on!" Jacob inquires.

"Mission! Were gonna have to continue this tour on the sub." Price states shortly.

Erin looked at Jacob. "Shiiiit J-dawg! I think we've just been shanghaied!" she cries out.

Let's see what happens when our characters get dragged along on a mission with the Task Force! Stay tuned people.

* * *

Author's note:

:) This is a very long chapter, but it's completely and utterly hilarious! Hope you enjoy it.

Also, thank you all for the reviews. Jacob and I really appreciate it. Especially the anonymous reviews.

Pleas rate and review.


	3. Task One, foe, one part 2

We see Erin and Jacob on the Task Force's submarine en route to North Africa for some sort of mission. But being about a day's journey from their destination, they decide to continue partying while they're at it. "Whoooooooohoooooooo! I'M ON A BOAT!" Jacob shouted while shaking Erin.

Erin sways slightly, smiling goofily. "Nu uh! I'M ON A BOAT!" Erin replied drunkenly.

"No. WE BOTH ON A BOAT!" Jacob replied, laughing uncontrollably.

Mactavish shakes his head, "Were on a sub." He corrects, rolling his eyes at their stupidness.

"Ooh you mean like from subway? Cause I could really go for one of those." Erin answers back, smiling drunkenly. Mactavish face palms.

He glances over at the camera guy, who has recovered fully from the whole 'batter ram' incident fully. "Are they always like this?" he asked, finding it hard to believe a person could be so drunk most of the time.

The camera man sighs, "Always." he replies with a nod.

Mactavish groans, deciding to try and get the two drunks something productive to do. "OK ya moppets, let's check out the armory!" He shouts to Jacob and Erin who were about to burst out in a chorus of 'Don't stop believing'.

They follow the captain to a room filled with guns. With the sight of the masses of guns, Erin and Jacob eyes go wide like kids in a candy store. "Holy shiiiiiiiiit!" Jacob exclaims as he picks up an M4 and blind fires it down the range. "Did I hit anything?" he asks, blinking.

Mactavish's eyebrow twitches, "There aren't any targets up." Mactavish gruffs. Jacob huffs in annoyance.

"Fine, camera guy get out there!" he orders, slapping in a new clip into the gun.

The camera guy's eyes widen in fear, glancing at Jacob in shock. "No! ACH! Help me!" the camera guy shrieks as Erin threw him onto the range by his arm. Jacob was just about to shoot when Mactavish jerks the gun out of his hand.

The Scotsman glares at Jacob in anger, slightly bewildered. "Cut it out ya bloody idiot!" Mactavish yells.

Jacob just stared at the captain stupidly. "Sir! I am in love with your Mohawk! Can I touch it?" he asks, staring at Mactavish's Mohawk lovingly, reaching to touch it.

Mactavish slaps his hand away, a look of disgust crossing his face. "NO!" he shouts in reply.

Jacob did any ways so he and Erin get chased out of the room. They are chased all the way back to the party where everyone is drinking themselves retarded until Meat ran into the room. "Hey everyone, look what I found!" He calls, holding up a box of cigars.

"What ish it?" Worm drunkenly asks as everyone crowds around Meat.

Meat shrugs, "I don't know, but Shepherd calls it his relief." he said passing them out to everyone. Erin grabs one and hands it to Jacob.

"Light it up!" she ordered.

Jacob pats his pockets, to find no lighter. "I ain't got a lighter." Jacob replies.

Erin scowls, "Light it on me dip shit!" she growls. Jacob tries to light the cigar on Erin's 'fiyary body' but to no avail.

"Erin it won't work." Jacob slurred, as Erin frowns sadly.

"Try this." Ghost said as he produced a lighter. With that Jacob lit the cigar and they both smoked the hell outta that cigar. They soon screech wildly, joining hands and spin around Ghost.

"Ring around the Ghosty! Pocket full of pussies! Asses! Asses! We all fall down!" Erin and Jacob sang crazily, falling over as they twitched violently.

Ghost stands there in complete and udder puzzlement at what had just happened. "What the fuck!" was all Ghost could get out.

"What the bloody hell was in those cigars!" Mactavish asks angrily as more and more people in the room we're acting weird from smoking the cigars.

Erin rolls up, spinning around in circles, "Sugar!" Erin shrieks, laughing wildly. She looks at Jdawg's face and the effects of the cigar made it look, in her mind, like a cookie.

"Um Erin what are you looking at?" He inquires nervously as he notices Erin licking her lips.

Erin slowly starts walking towards him, a crazed look in her eyes, "Cookies!" She yells as she lunges towards Jacob

Price walks in and freezes in horror when he sees what everyone was smoking.

"Soap! Who the hell let them have Shepherd's cigars?" He shouts the question to Mactavish.

"Meat stole em. We've gotta do somet-!" Mactavish starts but is interrupted by several hoots and hollers. He looks in the direction of the noise and notices everybody gathered in a big crowd.

"Oh shit! Fight!" He growls as he and Price run towards it. But they were wrong, it was only Erin and Jacob wasted again. Except this time it looked like they were making out.

"Woooooh! That a boy Jdawg!" Meat hollered.

"Somebody help!" Jacob screamed as he struggled to get Erin off him.

Royce raises an eyebrow, sneering slightly, "Why are ya a homo?" Royce asked.

Jacob grits his teeth in frustration, "You morons! She's trying to eat my face!" Jacob spat back. All of a sudden Mactavish darts up and bitch slaps Erin off of Jacob.

"That is CANNIBALISM and is frowned upon in most societies!" He screams at Erin who is still as high as a kite.

She points at Mactavish, giggling slightly. "So your the bastard who stole me lucky charms?" Erin asked in a phony Scottish accent.

"What!" Mactavish replies confused. The camera guy ran back into the room looking pretty wasted.

He gestures with his thumb behind him drunkenly. "Hey guysh Ghost is steerin tha boat!" He slurs. Jacob and Erin exchange a scared look, slightly coming out of the drugged induced haze.

"Oh fuck! We gonna crash!" Erin laughs as she made crashing noises with her mouth.

They quickly stumble out of the room with Mactavish and Price chasing after them. The duo soon makes it to the wheel house where they see Ghost steering crazily.

Jacob and Erin dramatically run at Ghost, "GHOST! NO!" Jacob and Erin scream as the both tackle Ghost away from the wheel.

Price and Mactavish enter the room just in time to see Erin and Jacob at their craziest. "CAPTAIN! WE'RE GOING DOWN! ABANDON SHIP!" Erin screeches in a Scottish accent, laughing madly.

Price looks at the wheel settings. "You moppets! It's on autopilot!" he shouts to them.

"You're on autopilot!" Jacob shouted insanely.

Price raises his eyebrows, "What?" the Englishman asked in shocked confusion. Jacob just laughed stupidly.

Erin cartwheels by, laughing insanely, "IM IN MIAMI BITCH!" Erin sang wildly before she falls into heap on the ground, still laughing.

"You look kinda cute! In that polka dot bikini girl!" Jacob sang back off tune.

Erin's ears perk up as she hops up. "Speaking of swimwear, let's go swimming!" Erin replies.

Mactavish face palms, "We're on a sub ya nitwits!" he reminds them.

"Thanks for the offer but everyone knows ya can't eat before you swim! Dumb leprechaun!" Erin answers back, waving him off.

Jacob jumps for joy, "Let's go tell the other guys!" he shouts as they both ran out of the room. Mactavish and Price tried chasing them but ended up tripping over an unconscious Ghost. "Hey guysh! I have news! We're goin swimming!" Jacob states proudly. Everyone in the room cheers and run into the hallway. But they're stopped by two very pissed off captains.

"NOBODY IS GOING SWIMMING!" Price screams, his British accent flaring sharply.

Meat's mouth drops open, "Why?" he questions childishly.

Price rolls his eyes at the younger man's childish demeanor. "Well for one there's no pool, and two we're on a sub a mile under the blooming ocean!" Price growls back.

Roach stomps madly, pouting, "But we're hot! We wanna get wet!" Roach exclaims.

Price sighs, "Look if you all drop this whole 'swimming' thing I'll let you get the slip n slide out." He compromises.

"Yay! Slip n slide!" Meat cheers. Everyone soon files back into the room and gets back to partying, only this time with the slip n slide.

Roach runs over to the slip n slide, "I'm first!" he declares as everyone begins lining up. Jacob and Erin were just about to join them but were stopped by the camera guy.

"Let's do the show before the boss calls again." He states firmly. Erin and Jacob reluctantly agree and follow the two captains into the main command room.

"Now you two go sit down and DON'T touch anything." Mactavish orders them, pointing to two chairs. They both take their seats and Mactavish begins talking into the camera. "This is the control room, where we plot our course, make announcements, fire weapons, and- MEAT! Don't touch that!" Mactavish screams. Meat looks up from playing with the main computer. It seems as if the guys had gotten bored with the slip n slide and had made their way into the room.

"The slip n slide broke! We wanna swim!" Ozone shouted, crossing his arms.

Price lunges at Meat screaming, "NO!", but to no avail for Meat had already pressed the surface button. All of a sudden Shepherd came into the room holding his head with his moustache whiter than usual.

"What the hell is all the noise?" Shepherd groans, rubbing his temples in pain.

Roach points at Meat accusingly, "Meat hit the surface button!" he tattles.

"What!" Shepherd yells. He then goes into a rant about being disorderly and proper military protocol.

Erin and Jacob are still in their seats, watching this whole scene unfold. To them it was very boring. "I'm bored. I want peanuts!" Erin announces as she presses a big red button. A strange whooshing sounds and then an explosion is heard.

"What just happened?" Shepherd asked angrily, looking around for an answer.

"Um I think she just fired a torpedo." a random soldier looking through periscope answers, "Fuck I think she just sunk a ship!"

With that Shepherd begins spazzing out and making weird gargling noises before falling to the floor. Everyone gathers around him in confusion. "What happened?" Royce said, asking the question on everyone's mind.

Price looks down at Shepard inquisitively before speaking. "Nothing, he's fine. He just had another overdose. Soap help me get him to the infirmary, Ghost you handle the Cribs people." Price orders. Ghost had just entered the room and is holding his head.

"Huh? Oh right sure just get me a triple whopper no lettuce." Ghost mumbles as Price and Mactavish drag Shepherd out of the room supporting him on each side.

All eyes turn to Ghost. "So…can we go swimming?" Meat asks eagerly. Ghost merely just waves them off, being so out of it.

"Sure just make sure you tell the purple man with the dwarf in the cardboard box to leave the archbishop's phone number." He mumbles insanely. Gadget walks up beside him, noting how he looks like hell.

Gadget sighs, shaking her head distastefully, "OK Ghost. I think you've had a little too much. Let's get you to bed." She states as she leads him out of the room.

Ghost peeks his head in through the door and shouts another crazier thing, "Tell the Martians to fuck off! I got their daddy", before he disappears down the hall laughing insanely.

Everyone exchanges a few WTF looks before heading to the top deck to go swimming. Jacob and Erin lead the way up the ladder and onto the deck of the sub. "Now that the party fouls are busy we can go swim-!" Jacob begins but is cutoff by several bullets ricocheting around him.

"Fuck! What now!" Erin shouts, slightly pissed.

~Chapter Break~


	4. Task one foe, one part 3

Meanwhile...

The two captains had just walked into infirmary and sat Shepherd down on the operating table. The medic rolls his eyes; he is used to this by now. In fact, the whole medical kit to treat OD's was labeled 'For Shepherd'. "Let me guess, you got hurt playing football?" He questions sarcastically as he reached for the kit.

"Oh no, poor Shepherd had an OD." Price replied with mock shock in his British accent.

Mactavish plays along, raising his eyebrow in fake shock, "What? Who would have expected our great general to be a drug addict?" Mactavish questions, responding to the two's sarcasm.

"Well let's just get this over-!" The medic begins but is cut off by an explosion and the sub rocking wildly.

Price immediately radios the control room. "What the hell is going on?" he angrily inquires, demanding an answer.

"Um ya might wanna get up here." Ozone's shaky voice replies.

Price exchanges a look with Mactavish before radioing back, "Why? What's happening!" Price asked.

"We're being fired upon! That dumb bitc-! Ahhhhhh!" Ozone starts but is cut off suddenly.

Back in the control, room everyone is gathered inside for safety from the enemy gunfire. Why is the sub being attacked you ask? Well it seems the ship that Erin had sank earlier was part of a U.N. Convoy and the rest of the convoy was pretty pissed about having one of their ships destroyed and were attacking the sub with full force. Meat is crying, Royce and Worm are arguing, and Erin and Jacob are beating the shit out of Ozone for his foul language. "WHO'S DA BITCH NOW!" Jacob and Erin shout in between punches. Price and Mactavish ran into the room to see hell in a hand basket.

"Soap! I'm going for the submerge button! You handle the TV people!" Price orders above the commotion. Mactavish lunges towards Erin and Jacob, tackling them off of Ozone. Soon the sub submerges and the two captains settle everyone down and demand an explanation. "Alright I want to know what the bloody hell happened here!" Price shouts.

Soon the room began to fill with accusations directed towards each other. "It was Meat's fault!"

"Nu uh! It was your fault! If you hadn't called her that-!"

"She sank a freaking shi-!" Ozone and Meat argue with at each other.

Price, by now, being fed up with the loud screaming, decides to say the unthinkable. "IF YOU DON'T SETTLE DOWN WE'RE NOT STOPPING AT MCDONALD'S ON THE WAY HOME!" Price Threatens.

Roach looks at Price, a look of fear plastered on his face. "You wouldn't!" he breathes.

Price smiles smugly. "Try me." He replies slyly. With that, everyone calms down and tells the two captains the whole story.

"So if I'm correct the torpedo that Miss Peepsta fired earlier sank a U.N. Ship and pissed the rest of the convoy off and caused them to fire upon us?" Mactavish asks. Everyone in the room nods in response.

Price sighed and rubbed his temples. "Well, we're about an hour from our destination, so report to the briefing room in ten minutes. Your punishment will be discussed when we get back to the base." He explains.

10 minutes later...

"OK men this is a simple demo mission, we go in, blow the SAM sites, and get out before the Navy blows the whole place to hell. Any questions?" Shepherd asks. Several hands shot up.

Shepherd called on Meat. "Um who is SAM?" He questions. Shepherd face palms and begins to answer but is cutoff by Roach.

"I don't care who he is, I ain't blowing him!" He states. The room erupts into an argument over who SAM is until Erin stops them with one of Jacob's flash bangs

She glares darkly at everyone around the table, "NO YELLING ON THE DAMN SUB!" She screamed. Everyone goes dead silent and Shepherd finishes talking

"OK now deploy to your SDVs. There will be six to each one." Shepherd orders them.

Erin blinks in slight puzzlement, "What are we doing?" Erin inquires to Price as they left the room.

A sly smile crosses Price's lips. "Let's just say you people are gonna get to swim." He said to them.

Apparently Price's definition of swimming meant being crammed into a small tube with Mactavish, Ghost, Roach, and the camera guy in complete darkness. Erin and Jacob are both shaking due to the cold water and their fear of the dark. Erin lets out a small whimper. "Peeps?" Jacob calls out.

"Yeah Jdawg?" Erin squeaks in a meek responds.

"I'm a scared!" Jacob whispers back.

"Me too!" Erin replies. They both begin screaming wildly and thrashing around searching for each other but end up latching onto Mactavish instead.

Mactavish growls, trying to get them off of him. "Knock it off ya moppets! You're making me claustrophobic!" Mactavish gruffs, shoving them both off.

"What's that?" Erin asks, raising an eyebrow up in question.

Jacob nods, knowingly. "It means he's afraid of Santa Clause." Jacob replies shortly.

"That is not what it mea-!" Mactavish begins but is cut off by a loud chorus of ho ho Hos.

"STOP IT! You're scaring him!" Jacob shrieks at Erin who is snickering. Mactavish face palms.

He shakes his head distastefully, "Are you two still wasted?" he asks, already knowing the answer.

"Aye, aye Mr. Leprechaun!" Erin answers with a salute. All of a sudden light fills the tube and that's when they realize that the door is opening. The SDV launches out of the tube and begins to make their way towards the objective.

Erin and Jacob just stare in stupid awe at their surroundings. "This is righteous Jdawg! Look at the lil fish hello fisheys!" Erin shouts through the headset while waving at the fish. They continue on the SDV till they come to a beach and disembarked, well except Erin and Jacob. They pretty much had to be dragged to shore.

Once they came upon dry land they both started bucking and flopping around. "What is wrong with you two?" Mactavish asks, overcome with complete confusion at the duo's actions.

Erin looks up and grins madly. "LOL! I'm a fish!" She screams before passing out, Jacob following suit.

"Alright up! The both of you!" Price barks, kicking them.

Jacob rolls over, "But I don't want to go to school today! The other boys make fun of me." Jacob mumbles before being slapped in the face. Jacob then tries standing but ends up falling over, waking up Erin who shoots up in surprise.

"W-what happened!" Erin asks from the ground.

Jacob sighs, rubbing his eyes, "Captain Crunch said we hafta get up." Jacob replies childishly.

"Why?" Erin asks angrily.

Jacob shrugs straight faced, "I don't know I think it has something to do with Mr. Leprechaun and his lucky charms." Jacob answers.

"THOSE ARE MY LUCKY CHARMS!" Erin screams as she lunges at Mactavish and starts wailing on him. The rest of the men can only stand by in shock.

Mactavish winces at the amount of force behind Erin's punches made contact with him, "Stop! Mercy!" Mactavish shouts as punches and scratches continue to land on him.

She then pulls Mactavish's combat knife out from its sheath and holds it aimed at his throat. "Listen here fool! Surrender the lucky charms and nobody gets hurt Mr. Leprechaun!" Erin snarls, her eyes glaring at him insanely.

"I AM NOT A LEPRECHAUN! I'M A BLOODY SCOT!" Mactavish yells back.

Price looks at Jacob, "What the hell are we gonna do!" he asks, fearing the look in Erin's eyes. Jacob frantically tries to come up with a way to calm Peeps down without anyone getting hurt.

"I don't know about y' all but I'm gonna have me a cookie." Meat said as he pulls one from his pocket. That's when it hit Jacob. Instantly he drops a flash bang and tackles Meat to the ground, swiping the cookie away.

Jacob then runs to Erin's side. "Peeps! Look what I got." Jacob said, waving the cookie in front of her face. Erin instantly stops hurting Mactavish and grins widely.

"YAY! COOKIE!" she screeched before munching on the cookie. After that she calms down and no one was badly hurt. Well except Mactavish from Erin and Meat from being tackled and having his cookie stolen. The team then proceeds on with the mission under the cover of darkness, using night vision goggles to find the way. They all hug the walls, narrowly avoiding patrols. Jacob and Erin begin to grow bored once again. "Jdawg this is boring, did ya bring mah CD?" She asks Jacob.

Jacob nods, producing a crisp CD from his pocket, "Yep. Whatcha gonna do?" Jacob replies.

A smile formes on Erin's lips, that just spells trouble. "We're gonna burn this mutha down!" she states, snickering quietly to herself.

"Gadget, I've got eyes on a sentry ahead do ya see him?" Mactavish murmurs, keeping his eyes on the sentry.

Gadget nods in response, setting up to take the shot. "Got eyes on. Taking the shot no-." Gadget begins but is cutoff by the Mission Impossible theme playing loudly. So loudly it causes Gadget to miss her shot. Everyone turns back to see Erin and Jacob stealth crawling towards them.

"What are you morons doing?" Mactavish angrily demands.

The corners of Jacob's lips curl up into a devilish smile which was meant to be serious but turns out goofy. "We're goin deep and were goin hard." Jacob replies with a smirk.

"Surely you can't be serious…" Mactavish replies, slapping his fore head.

Jacob grins, nodding slightly, "I'm serious! And don't call me Shirley!" Jacob shouts in response.

"May I remind you both we are on a STEALTH mission?" Mactavish growls back.

Jacob rolls his eyes, "Yeah we know. That's why we brought this." Jacob said pointing to the boom box strapped to his back.

"And this." Erin added pulling out a Predator Drone control rig.

Everybody froze, mouths falling agape. "Erin no!" they all screamed as they tried to stop her. But she had already fire it into a guard tower which caused the whole base to go on full alert and fire on them.

"We're spotted! Go loud!" Price yells as he returns fire. Jacob and Erin pass out once again while this whole scene unfolds. The camera guy hides behind a rock, pants wet and crying for his mommy. They all look doomed as the enemy began to advance on their position. That's when the camera man remembered the triple shots of espresso he had with him and darts over to the unconscious Peeps and Jdawg, dodging bullets all the way. It's a crazy plan but it's their only hope. He reluctantly pours the espresso shots down the two down hosts' throats. Then, all of a sudden, the Popeye theme music begins playing and they both jump up laughing wildly.

"Hey Peeps! Waddya say me an you save da day!" Jacob asks cocking his ACR as he glances over at his brown haired friend.

A smirk crosses Erin's face as she picks up a AK-47 from a downed tango. "Hell to the yizeah!" she replies, as they take off charging the enemy. They both run straight into the line of fire and begin taking down tangos mercilessly.

"Die American scum!" a random tango screams as he charges at Erin with a knife.

Erin quickly spins around, "Hell nyah!" Erin responses, shooting him in the balls. All the task force members cheer but appear to have spoken too soon as Erin and Jacob are surrounded.

A tango smiles darkly, narrowing his eyes at the duo, "Ready to die? Infidel!" he asks with his gun trained on them.

Erin snickers, the fear of death not showing in her demeanor. "You sound like Achmed the dead terrorist!" she laughs, pointing at him.

"Silence! I kill you!" The tengo threatens.

Another tango rolls his eyes, loosing patience, "Abdul! Save it! Just kill the bitch!" he orders 'Achmed'. Once the word bitch enters Erin's ear, her eye begins to twitch. Her breathing becomes rapid and she starts screaming. One tengo brings his gun up to shoot but Erin kicks him in the balls and causes him to shoot one of his teammates. Erin then unleashes hell on all the tengo, making them all cry for their mommies. At the end of the enormous melee, all the terrorists were dead and bruises, scratches, and bite marks covered their bodies. Erin is still fuming when the rest of the task force members peak out from cover. Jacob hands her a cookie to calm her nerves and they all go back to the sub.

The camera guy turns his camera to Price, Mactavish, and Ghost. "Well COD that's our crib, thanks for stopping b-" they begin but are cut off by General Shepherd.

Shepard gestures to Jacob, Erin and the camera man, "You three! My office! Now!" He growls, coldly. All three of them begin to fidget nervously as Shepherd approaches them. But Jdawg thinks fast, throwing a flash bang to stun Shepard and they all run like hell.

Mactavish leads Erin, Jacob and the camera guy to the top of the sub. Price then pushes the three into a life boat. "Thanks for touring our Crib, COD. Now get the hell out!" Price shouts as he runs away from the very pissed off Shepherd.

Somewhere else in the World…

Sergeant Foley folds his arms distastefully. "RAMIERZ! Clean up this room! We're going to be on TV!" orders Foley at the younger subordinate, Ramirez.

"Yes sir…" Ramirez sighs, shifting uncomfortably in the maid's outfit Foley made him wear over his uniform.

Foley nods, looking at the viewer. "HEY YOU! Review this chapter! Or Ramirez will have to face a whole army of juggernauts with only a sling shot!" Foley shouts.

Ramirez struggles in with a coach, a look of dull shock, "Yeah guys…he's serious. Please review." He said, shaking his head dismally. He continues this duty of cleaning the whole bunker, Foley continuing to yell at him to do the same thing over and over again.


End file.
